i am feeling really down today. down for the whole day. tears rolled down when i'm going for maths class. i really hate going to school, not because i don't like to study. because i find no joy there. everyday i would think of those times i had in prison. those were the days. its so fun. i really miss those times.
i don have a sense of belonging to my class. it's like i'm oil and they are water. somehow we just cannot mix into one. its not that i don't want to hang around with them. i feel uneasy with them and i have no common topic with them. like what someone had told me, i had to be with these people for 3 years. i can't possibly everyday go for lunch, go for class and roam around the school all alone. but what can i do? i'm really very vexed now.
all these doesnt happen to me when i'm schooling but why it has to happen to me during my poly school days? people said poly life is fun. where is the fun? i don feel any now, maybe for the time being i don feel any. can anyone tell me what to do? i'm feeling really terrible. who doesnt wish to have buddy buddy where they can go to classes and lunch together? who doesnt wish to have frens to laugh here and there and crap with?
i don't wish to roam around in school everyday with sophia. she has her own friends. i cant possibly stick with her like a fucking sticky chewing gum. she and her frens has got many things to do also. fuck. fuck. fuck. poly life isnt what its seem to be. all my illusions are just a piece of shit.
later will be going out with momo for dinner. going out with momo has always been a fun thing to do. no matter what, she lifts my mood everytime i'm with her. i might have never tell momo before, but she is the best girl i've ever met. she is real, not like ahem*. although i've know ahem* for 4 years, but all the things she said, i duno what is real and what is not. she even has a brother in prison and yet i also duno. i mean, she never ever mentioned to us that she has a brother in prison. i still dont understand her. i really dont.
i think i should be fine by the time i came back home. because there is momo. i'm glad i still have momo who i can talk heart-to-heart. i don think i can find any other people. not even sophia or clara. they are the, how to say ah? they are the logic people. i'm not saying me and momo is not logic. it's just that they way we think. both of us follow our hearts.
i shall be happy and not frown?
